


Hold Me Tight (And then I might never be the lonely one)

by randomdestielfangirl



Series: Season 12 coda fics [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Coda, Episode: s12e09 First Blood, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Mild Smut, Schmoop, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 05:32:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9477767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomdestielfangirl/pseuds/randomdestielfangirl
Summary: “Why didn’t you pray to me?” Cas asks him as soon as they are alone. His tone holds no reproach, just a distant sadness.“I... I didn’t know where we were, Cas. I didn’t know what to say- I didn’t want you to worry any more than you already were,” Dean stammers. “I’m sorry.”I didn’t want you to feel as helpless as I did.“I’m sorry,” Dean insists.





	

It’s nearly nine in the morning when they arrive at the bunker, only stopping for breakfast on the way. Dean doesn’t say much, just listens to the low hum of Sam and Mary’s conversation. He’s keenly aware that Cas is not saying anything either, but when Dean dares to sneak a glance at him, the angel’s eyes are closed. Dean knows he’s not sleeping, judging by the somewhat stiff posture, but it doesn’t stop him from cautiously reaching across the seat and taking Cas’s hand again.

For a moment, Cas doesn’t react, but then relaxes into the touch and laces his fingers through Dean’s with a soft sigh.

They hold hands all the way home.

+

“Why didn’t you pray to me?” Cas asks him as soon as they are alone. His tone holds no reproach, just a distant sadness.

“I... I didn’t know where we were, Cas. I didn’t know what to say- I didn’t want you to worry any more than you already were,” Dean stammers. “I’m sorry.”

_I didn’t want you to feel as helpless as I did._

“I’m sorry,” Dean insists.

They’re in Dean’s room, freshly showered and dressed, Cas in a light blue smurfs t-shirt and pajama pants that Dean had bought for him two years ago.

“For what?” Cas’s voice is hoarser than ever, the lines around his eyes tightening. He looks so utterly exhausted and defeated than Dean doesn’t answer, and instead throws his arms around the other man.

Cas’s hair is still damp, and he returns the embrace with a sound of utter anguish as they tumble into Dean’s bed together. Dean holds him for a long time, smoothing his palm over Cas’s broad back, peppering Cas’s face with feather-light kisses.

“There was just no other way, Cas,” Dean whispers, his voice tight. “I knew there was no way of breaking out, I didn’t know where Sam was or if he was even alive and I couldn’t face the thought of another day all alone with absolutely no hope of ever seeing you…” he breaks off. Cas’s eyes are blue and wide and wet as he cradles Dean’s jaw with a rough palm and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Dean shifts his head, deepening the kiss. Cas’s touch is soft, almost reverent as he slides his hands under Dean’s shirt.

“The only way,” Dean moans into the kiss as Cas reaches up to lightly flick at a nipple. “the only way of _ever_ leaving that place was as a corpse.”

Cas stiffens and starts to pull away, but Dean doesn’t give him the chance, climbing on top of the angel and kissing him again. Cas melts into it with a little sigh, tugging at Dean’s t-shirt, his cock filling out and bumping against Dean’s already hard one.

“Dean…” Cas moans as Dean shrugs out of his own shirt, pulling up Cas’s.

“I missed you,” Dean gasps. “I missed you so much, Cas.”

Cas tightens his arms around him, thrusting up to rub at Dean’s aching cock. They kiss and kiss, unwilling to separate even to get any more clothes off.

“Dean…” Cas groans, his eyes hooded and nearly black as Dean grinds down into him. His mouth tastes faintly of cinnamon as Dean sucks at his tongue, and his thrusting grows almost desperate. “I want... let me…”

“I know, I know-” Dean gasps as their pace grows erratic, and he’s this close to coming when Cas resolutely pushes him away. “Wha-”

Cas kisses him hard, biting at Dean’s lower lip as he pushes Dean back onto the pillows. Dean moans as Cas’s hands pull down his pajamas, brushing his calloused palm against Dean’s leaking cock.

“I need you,” Cas says, breaking the kiss, his lips shiny and swollen.

Dean’s answer is a long, loud groan as Cas takes him into the warm wetness of his mouth. He grabs at Cas’s hair, forcing him to just stay there, because heaven help him he’s going to blow if Cas gave him so much as a hard suck. Cas takes the hint, his hands coming up to envelop Dean’s gently. Dean pets his hair for a while, willing the urge to finish go away.  

He starts to thrust into Cas’s mouth almost before he can help it, drinking in the sight of that pink, perfect mouth stretched around his cock. Cas moans faintly and hollows out his cheeks, lapping at the slit of Dean’s cock.

“Look at you, baby,” Dean gasps, “I’ve missed those beautiful eyes so much.”

Cas’s looks up at him through his lashes, eyes so blue, so adoring and so filled with love, it ends up being what breaks Dean. He comes down Cas’s throat with a shout, shuddering and shaking as Cas sucks him off.

“Come here,” he gasps, grabbing at Cas’s shoulders, hauling him up for a kiss. He pushes Cas’s pajamas low enough to grab at Cas’s cock. Cas moans, thrusting wildly into Dean’s hand a few times before spilling, chanting Dean’s name like a prayer.

Dean wipes his hand on the sheets, uncaring of the mess. He needs it, needs to fall asleep with the drying evidence of their lovemaking, the slight discomfort it causes almost negligible compared to the fact that Cas is here, safe in his arms. He reaches for the comforter and drapes it over the two of them before clasping Cas close, brushing the dark hair off his face and pressing a kiss to Cas’s forehead.

Cas sighs, snuggling into Dean’s arms without fuss.

“You know this isn’t the end of it, right?” Dean asks him after a while, when their breathing has come back to normal.

“I know,” Cas says simply, “I do not regret my actions.”

Dean considers him, the steady blue eyes, the deep, well-loved voice. He sighs and wraps his fingers around Cas’s warm ones.

 “You were going to give yourself up,” Cas whispers, “and you weren’t going to tell me.”

“What would you have done?” Dean asks him wearily.

Cas looks up at him.

“The same thing.”

“Well there you have it,” Dean says, smiling just a little. “and don’t worry about it. We’ll face it when it comes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at randomdestielfangirl.tumblr.com


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